Lauren Arena

You can tell a lot about a city by its public transport system and Western Australia’s City of Light is no exception. Like the city itself, Perth’s rail system is highly organised with neat, spacious train carriages and platforms that are efficiently colour-coded. There’s also a Free Transit Zone with a regular bus service that carries visitors and locals in and around the CBD.

Corporate traveller’s haven… Fraser Suites Perth

Everything here seems to run like clockwork and, as the big mining dollars continue for the moment to flood into the WA Capital, the once glorified one industry big country town is beginning to take shape as a truly urban centre of business and culture.

So it’s only fitting on my first visit to the west coast’s ever-expanding concrete jungle that I explore the city’s newest addition, high-flying and ultra-modern, Fraser Suites Perth.

The newly built property, officially opened last month, is the first of its kind in over a decade and the centrepiece of a developing urban precinct along the Swan River foreshore in East Perth.

It’s an impressive 19-storey structure with 236 fully furnished apartments, spacious public areas that are tastefully decorated, a lobby lounge and bar and a 24-hour gym with an indoor pool, spa and sauna.

My apartment, on the top floor, is decked out with all the trimmings. There’s a good mix of soft and hard furnishing with a glossy finish to the kitchen, complete with mirrored splashback, a set of plush upholstered chairs around the dining table and spongy carpets that squish and twirl around my toes with every step. But an armchair in the corner of the room is particularly appealing. It’s made with metallic snakeskin leatherette – very seductive for a piece of furniture– and I’m pleasantly surprised by its smooth texture.

Gentle tones… the Executive Suite

I sit here for a while taking in my absolutely spectacular, sprawling views of the Swan River, Langley Park and the hard-topped fast bowlers paradise that is the WACA cricket ground. In fact I’m so close that if a match were in play I would be able to clearly identify each and every player. But apart from knowing the WACA is a haven for the quicks, I’m not much of a cricket fan so I focus my attention on the river instead.

Everything in the apartment is shiny and new – and probably more efficient than most of the appliances I have at home. Gentle tones of sepia, caramel and coffee are welcoming, with the odd splash of red about the place.

I meander down to the restaurant for dinner, which also serves breakfast and lunch throughout the day. The menu is versatile and contemporary and I opt for the pistachio crusted lamb racks with truffle potato puree – head chef Scott Harpham’s favourite dish and for good reason. The smoothness of the mash is wonderfully balanced against the caramelised crunch of the outer layer of the tender, juicy herbaceous lamb. Teamed with a glass of Margaret River Cabernet Sauvignon this dish is a winner.

But at its core Frasers Perth, the company’s third property in Australia along with Sydney and Melbourne, is a haven for corporate travellers – a temple of efficiency and technology with a number of private and public workstations, free Wi-Fi, conference rooms, a pillow menu and clean towels every morning.

And this white-collar sentiment seems fitting for an adolescent city like Perth – growing-up fast from its open-necked casual style to the starchier more buttoned-down responsibility of a fully-fledged metropolis.

fraserhospitality.com 

Amy Hughes

Usually, between the two of us, either my friend or I have pretty well sussed where we’re headed, and what we might do there.  Not this time.  We’ve booked a night at Hipping Hall for its location.  It’s a good mid-way point from Scotland back to London to break up the seven-hour drive.  Except neither of us quite know where it is, exactly.  The website says it’s between England’s Lake District and the Yorkshire Dales, but now that we’re here, we realise there’s nothing ambiguous about it – we’re in the Yorkshire Dales.   She’s a Brit, and I’ve lived here 12 years, yet neither of us ever ventured here. The landscape is all rolling hills punctuated by the odd church steeple.

Charming… Hipping Hall

We arrive at Hipping Hall late in the afternoon. The 15^th century stone building used to house a blacksmith before a later owner married the daughter of a local lawyer, becoming proper “gentry.” He left the hall as a legacy and it’s now an intimate hotel with just nine rooms.

It’s a cold Saturday, and we’re shown to the sitting room where small coal fire is surrounded by comfortable couches, a pick of the day’s papers and wonderful jazz playing just loud enough.  A welcome cup of tea and cake is soon set on a side table while I tuck in to the Times in the few hours before dinner.

Hipping Hall is miles from any major city, and like most country hotels, they offer dinner in their gothic dining room. It’s mostly couples on a romantic break, but we’re one of two sets of gal pals reducing the pressure on our neighbouring husbands and wives to look overly into each other.

Warm, fresh baked bread takes the edge off before we’re presented with a dish of pork belly accompanied by orange and chicory which are more subtle than overpowering.  With the added broccoli stem it’s nearly a “healthy” dish as we’re more than halfway to our five-a day.  Yorkshire goat’s curd arrives in the form of two bubble gum shaped balls, deep fried with a soft, salty centre.  White and red beetroot and candied walnuts balanced the flavour, along with a lovely dollop of burrata.

We’re torn between the halibut and the vegetarian field mushroom duxelles, so we agree to share both.  The mushrooms are tasty and unusual, but need a light jus or broth to enhance the flavour, and unfortunately it’s the third time we’re seeing the small fried balls (they were in the amuse bouche as a coating for quail’s eggs) so they’ve worn out their welcome.  But the halibut is better than many I’ve had at top London restaurants.  It’s a perfectly flavoured dish which marries mushrooms, an emulsion, and artichokes brilliantly.  The halibut is moist and delicious.

We’re perhaps too accustomed to poor service in the UK, particularly once we leave the confines of the Big Smoke, but that’s where Hipping Hall shines.  The same small staff that runs the hotel also works the dining room.  They seem to get to know each guest (but not too much), and are very responsive.  Every time we fail to leave a dish empty (which isn’t very many); we’re asked if it was okay, if anything was “not quite right” with the dish.  Spend some time in England and you’ll understand how unusual this is.   It’s not just that they ask, it’s the way they ask.   Say to a Brit, “Is everything okay?” and you can pretty much bet serious money the answer will be, “Oh yes, lovely thanks,” even if it was dog food on the plate.  It’s a subtlety, but by asking if something wasn’t quite right, the waiter has a better chance of gently coaxing the customer about what went wrong.

We keep it local with dessert, a sort of deconstructed rhubarb pudding.  We’re informed it’s forced Yorkshire rhubarb.  Little do they realise we wouldn’t actually be bothered if it was frozen, but we love the full disclosure.  Two toasted mounds of marshmallow are set down with tiny drops of meringue, strips of rhubarb, and refreshing sorbet.   It’s very tasty, but the best is yet to come.

It’s time to escape couple-dom so we retire to the fire for a few mean rounds of backgammon over tea and petit-fours.  Three small chocolates never tasted so good.  After a three-course meal I’m too self-conscious to ask for more, but if these came in a box, I’d have bought more than one to take back.  The cream content is so high; they practically melt in our fingers.

Breakfast in the dining room with the Sunday papers is heavenly.  The croissants are warm, the eggs delicately scrambled.  And we’re off to the see Kirkby Lonsdale, just a few minutes’ drive.  We know nothing about it, but quickly learn it’s a market town (code for quaint).  We’re instantly charmed by the old fashioned sweets shop, Ruskin’s view (a sweeping view of the hills which the author pointed out to Turner, who later painted it), and a street lined with a handful of great boutiques.  It’s the sort of shopping that convinces one to leave London; terrific things at a fraction of city prices.

Our little detour may convince us to give up the train, and drive to Scotland more often.

www.hippinghall.com

Imagine a luxury hotel in the heart of one of the most densely populated conurbations on the planet.

Now fill it with attentive but unobtrusive staff, award winning chefs, and scatter it with private secluded rooms in extensive tropical gardens and run scores of bubbling brooks, rivulets and cascading waterfalls through its open areas and atria. And give it plenty of room; yes. Set its rooms on 10, nay 15, rolling acres of grounds purchased by its farsighted owners 40 years earlier.  Finished?

Tropical haven… Chai Spa

Welcome to the Garden Wing, Singapore, Shangri-La’s new premier property on the island nation.

My chamber for my three-night stay is an executive garden room, with three gruelling steps amid the bougainvillea up to a private garden and cabana (OK daybed if you must). To be honest, I do not feel like I’m within 1000 miles of Singapore.

With the cabana – (sorry, daybed), outdoor lounges on the deck, a lounge suite in the room and a king size bed, giant bath and tropical shower, there are plenty of relaxation options after a hard day exploring the heady sights, sounds, tastes and smells of one of the great cities on Earth.

If you do find your way out of your room and its tempting room service options – or what I have christened the Magic Book – you can bathe in the cool waters of the enormous pool complete with fountains, indulge in poolside dining at the Waterfall Cafe. There’s also a Chinese restaurant and several other bars and cafes scattered around the hotel, including The Line. You can try Cantonese cuisine at Shang Palace, take on some Japanese at Nadaman, or enjoy high tea at The Rose Veranda.

Secluded… Executive Garden Room

There is also a gymnasium, the Chi Spa, tennis courts, golf pitch and putt, a sauna, steam room and jacuzzi.

Garden Wing truly is a haven, wrapped in an eyrie, surrounded by an oasis.

Breakfast at the Waterfall cafe is a madrigal of Asian and Western fare. The first morning I opt for bircher muesli with mango yoghurt, a buckwheat waffle with caramelised bananas, watermelon juice, followed by gravlax on dark bread with capers and lemon juice and the International Herald Tribune.

The second morning I decide to give the chef a workout with eggs benedict and smoked trout with potobello mushrooms on rye with a garden salad, then a trip to the buffet for some other sundries. The food is good. Very good. There is no IHT the second morning so I make do with some online papers on my Samsung Galaxy S3 with 4G – no Apple zealot I.

Although I didn’t try it, they also do a champagne brunch and luncheon and dinner.

Scrumptious… Waterfall Cafe

Walking around the cafe piling gourmet morsels on my plate, the place has the feel of a country kitchen of some tropical expat magnate who has left for a few days giving me the run of the place, but who has had the common decency to leave the place fully stocked with vittles.

There is also world-class free wifi, which comes in very handy, complimentary evening cocktails from 5pm to 7pm at Garden Wing Lounge, which – I hope you’re sitting down – I didn’t get around to, but it looked like it might be a good idea to dress up for when I walked past.

Each afternoon during my stay the tropical rain sets in for a one-hour downpour you could set your watch by, which is fun to watch from the deck, icy cold Tiger in hand, as I take in the fecund smell of the rain hitting the warm earth and swallows dart around the skies of Singapore.

The Garden Wing

22 Orange Grove Road, 258350, Singapore

Amy Hughes

Breathless.  That’s the only word to describe the sensation as the door to my room, rather, suite, is flung open at the Ritz Carlton, Millenia Singapore.  A wall made entirely of glass stands before me, presenting a view of the Marina Bay; it’s now famous hotel tower, and the F1 racetrack below.  There is no way to be cool about this view.   I may have stayed in dozens of five-star hotels, but none have come with such an arresting picture window. 

Tranquil... bath with a view

This hotel is all about aesthetics…as I move from the sitting room, with its clean lines, and beautiful bleached wood tables, into the bathroom, where a bathtub big enough for two is punctuated by a carved out octagon window showcasing the Singapore Flyer over the bay (think London Eye).  It’s an incredible excuse to spend the evening in.

There’s an incredible emphasis on scenery, with every room lit naturally, yet black-out blinds, a bed built for a princess, and an entire pillow menu, give way to a good night’s sleep.  And on the nightstand, sits a copy of “Diplomacy: A Singapore Experience,” written by S Jayakumar, former UN ambassador and foreign minister for Singapore.  I picked it up, read a few pages, and wished I was here long enough to get to the end.    This hotel’s emphasis on culture can’t be underestimated.

As I sit at the desk, looking out at the Bay, I realise if I was here on business, chained to my hotel room desk all day, I could very easily work around the clock, watching the landscape in front of me shift with the light.

I take a tour of a standard room, to ensure I’m not just being seduced by the Premier Suite, with its Acqua di Parma toiletries and bath pillow.  In a refreshing case of all things being equal or nearly, the standard rooms are simply a slightly smaller version of the suites.  The same light, airy feeling permeates no fewer windows, no smaller a tub.  In fact, the only differences I can spot are house-brand toiletries, and enough sitting space for four people, rather than six.    Views are either of the bay, or, as I’m told Japanese clients prefer, the skyline view, filled with Singapore’s lush greenery.  A 46-inch flat screen TV is in every room, though frankly, between the views, the art, and the city to explore, the TV is the last thing I’m interested in.

Roomy... the Premier Suite

The hotel was designed by Pritzker-award winning Irish architect Kevin Roche.  And no detail seems to have been spared on creating a visually engaging space with tall ceilings with rooms that flow seamlessly. 

I’m told the hotel owners are passionate about art, and hired California-based art consultant Elizabeth Weiner to curate the 4200 piece collection.   The modern art at the Ritz is a central feature and part of the draw for many guests.  A self-guided podcast is available to download, or through iPods at the Concierge desk, guests can learn about the significant works, profiles of the artists, and an analysis of the works.  A 30-minute stroll through the hotel’s public areas reveals some of the biggest names in modern art, from Frank Stella to David Hockney, and Henry Moore.  In fact, the art begins before one even steps foot inside the Ritz Carlton, Millenia, when greeted by two life-size sculptures in Mao suits by Zhu Wei, at the driveway.  They’re meant to be reminiscent of the Xi-Ann terracotta warriors, but in reality, they look like teddy bears dressed up as Mao dolls. 

Dale Chihuly, the American glass artist known for reviving the ancient Venetian glass-blowing technique, makes a typical bold statement with two pieces, "Sunrise," made of 300 ribbed glass pieces in yellows and light greens, and "Sunset," a mirror image with multi-coloured stalks and bulbs mingling with real foliage in enclosed gardens.

There are four Hockneys.  One is, by far, the most interesting Hockney I’ve seen, and living in England, I’ve seen quite a few.  It’s a crayon lithograph in black and white of “Celia,” the wife of a friend who sat for Hockney a number of times.   This one has a very vintage, Parisian feel to it.  The best joke of all is some of the placements.  Some are placed to complement their surroundings, like Frank Stella’s “Moby Dick,” near the pool area.  But a Hockney at the gym entrance is someone’s very amusing, ironic humour at play.

Artistic... Frank Stella's 'Cornucopia' hangs in the lobby

The Ritz Millenia pays such attention to detail, they’ve created a set of six bookmarks detailing a selection of works, and individual ones are delivered as part of the turn-down service.  Of all the souvenirs I’ve picked up in Singapore, this is by far, the most useful and memorable.

I’m tempted not to leave the Ritz.  It’s humid and rainy, and with all this eye candy there seems little point.  But, apparently shopping is a major part of local culture, so I feel obligated to do some research.  After a brief chat with the concierge, I’m pointed in the right direction for affordable, local boutiques.    Thankfully, the hotel is conveniently located next to two shopping malls, both accessible by a covered walkway.  Interesting eateries and boutiques inhabit each of them, and there’s even a small Korean supermarket to be found. 

Orchard Road, Singapore’s answer to Fifth Avenue or Oxford Street on steroids is a short cab ride.  But when the world’s most expensive bookmark is ready and waiting at the Ritz Millenia, why bother?

Ritz Carlton, Millenia Singapore

7 Raffles Avenue, Singapore

+65 6337 8888

 http://www.ritzcarlton.com/en/Properties/Singapore/Default.htm

Durban's coastline from the air

I wondered whether an investment in a scanner or two might be a better long-term bet but South Africa’s employment situation is so dire the last thing it needs is technology that replaces humans.

The reason I was visiting Victoria Markets was I had a rather keen interest in acquiring some Tanzanite. Supposedly found only in the foothills of Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, it’s touted as being rarer than diamonds. With a lack of time ruling out going to Tanzania to find my own gem, I found myself listening to a gem wholesaler tell me why my wife would appreciate Tanzanite so much more than a diamond. My problem was going to be doing his job with my wife and trying to explain why she should want it more than a diamond.

In the days beforehand, everyone from taxi drivers along Durban’s Golden Mile of beachfront to the waiters at Butcher Boys restaurant – as I happily consumed a South African dry-aged fillet steak washed down with a 2007 Beyerskloot pinotage – had told me Tanzanite was the gem I needed to buy. Even the beachside Hotel Elangeni’s concierge had tipped me off on its rarity and beauty.

The previous evening, across from the hotel, as I sat at the Beach Café with my feet in the sand under a pale blue sky daydreaming and watching schoolkids play chicken with the waves and an unusually nimble roly-poly boy kick a football with his dad, the bartender mentioned … Tanzanite. Earlier in the day I had eaten the wondrous bunny chow – a mutton curry served inside half a loaf of hollowed out white bread at a kind of chain restaurant called Mrs Govinder’s – and the old Indian woman behind the counter agreed Tanzanite was the gem of the future.

The dealer brought out the big guns – his wife and another employee who proffered yellowing and dog-eared newspaper articles reiterating the whole Tanzanite story. They also mentioned the price and I realised I had slipped into the tyre-kicker category. More pertinently, the dealer could see it on my face. He lost interest. I was just another tourist with the artificial wealth that comes with a good exchange rate – good for food and local beer but useless when it came to buying something of real value.

Mark Eggleton

Hotel Elangeni

63 Snell Parade

Durban 4001

South Africa

Tel: +27 31 362 1300

Fax: +27 31 332 5527

Web: www.southernsun.com/hotels/elangeni/

Email: elangeni@southernsun.com

“WANG Hau!’’ I bark at my cab driver from the backseat. She nods beaming at me and lays rubber on the road outside the nightclub I have just departed, not unfortified by strong drink.

Wang Hau, or “rocket ship’’ in Shanghainese argot (it means nothing in any other language or, indeed in any other Chinese dialect), is the local name for the JW Marriott in People’s Square, it means that building and no other in the conurbation (there being no rocket ships in the vicinity).

It is a relief for a Shanghai cabbie to have an unambiguous command from a Westerner, no preface of “could you please take me to‘’, or “good evening, if it’s not too much trouble could you please …‘’, that is just noise to a Shanghai hack.

Just say where you want to go, make sure they understand and sit back and try to relax, which means not paying too much attention to the traffic. And it’s impossible for them to give you the run around unless you’re way out of town; it’s the biggest building around, towering 60 stories above Tomorrow Square in downtown Puxi.

Riding in a cab in Shanghai is a lot of fun if you don’t care how long you live. With the video screens in the back seat it’s like the JW itself, a microcosm of Shanghai – the starship Enterprise lands in a parking lot (apothecary market) in Elizabethan England.

Turn your back on the JW and look down Jiang Yin Road and you could be back a few hundred years ago, turn around again and you’re looking at a building that would be at home in Star Trek.

Not that there are any apothecaries around. Nanjing Road would stand up against any shopping district on the planet.

And it’s next to a series of business complexes and on the subway, which gives easy transportation access to surrounding districts.

JW Marriott hotels lie at the top end of the Marriott hotel group’s selection of brands. 
Delivering flawless service in five-star surrounds, Marriott’s Puxi digs stand tall next to the historic Shanghai Art Museum. You just need to cross the street to People’s Park or it’s just a short walk to Xintiandi and Huai Hai Road (I pronounce it “War High” and people seem to get it.

In the heart of People’s Park of course is one of my favorite bars in Shanghai – Barbarossa, but of course that is another review.

I speak to Michael Mali, general manager of JW Marriott Hotel and Marriott Executive Apartments at Tomorrow Square Shanghai, who recently made the trip across the river from a hotel in Pudong and asked him what he liked best about living in Shanghai.

“The best of Shanghai is that it exposes you to both international and local
experiences, sometimes it wows you and other times it will frustrate you to
crazy,’’ says Malik.

“The restaurant business is more competitive than ever, guests can find a really good variety of fine dining establishments. A good example is along the Bund, which offers upscale dining and clubbing.

“If you want to explore a bit more, new bars are springing up around the French concession area, in particular El Coctail – great to try but make sure you make a reservation before heading there.’’

And what is the best thing about the JW especially for travelers seeking a refuge from the anarchic organisation of the streets, shopping and life in fast forward that is Shanghai below?

“Its convenient location in a landmark building with fantastic 360 degree views of downtown Shanghai. The outdoor swimming pool is a great getaway in the summer and it has the highest library in the world on the 60th floor.

“And to completely wind down, the spa is a glorious sanctuary offering a full range of pampering treatments.”

I must admit to trying the JW’s signature massage – a ‘four hand massage’ with personally blended oils and I can attest it was a Vishnu-like experience. Pure pleasure and importantly, it completely regenerated me for when I stepped out of the JW Starship Enterprise the following morning.

JW Marriott Tomorrow Square

399 Nanjing West Road,

Huangpu District Shanghai 200003 China

Phone: +86 21 53594969

Jonathan Porter

www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/shajw-jw-marriott-hotel-shanghai-at-tomorrow-square/

jporter@lunchmag.com

AH Dunedin! Home of the only known gay penguin marriage, the only lesbian royal albatross couple and the place I sheared my first sheep. I’m standing near the timber slab wall of a woolshed. Light is streaming in through various scuttles and windows.

The air is thick with dust, a la Tom Roberts, and smells heavily of lanolin courtesy of 20 or so sheep waiting patiently to be sheared. I’m reminded of a story a colleague once told about having a sabbatical from newspapers for a few months, tending sheep by himself on a farm in south-west New South Wales.

One of the sheep had the bluest eyes and the rims of her eyes were unusually dark. “It was almost like she was wearing eye liner,’’ he said. When I found myself looking forward to seeing her every day, I knew it was time to go and ask for my old job back,’’ he told me. But I digress. Back to Dunedin: “You’re next,’’ says my host, an affable bushie oozing character wearing a woollen T-shirt and sheepskin booties.

The Kiwis recently scrapped their entire air force because they were worried it might upset their neighbours, but that’s another story.
We are taken through a serious of hides where you can sneak up quite close on penguins as well as a goodly number of seals.
“The alpha male is that big bloke sunning himself on the rock with all the sheilas,’’ the guide tells me. “The beta is over there.’’

He indicates a much smaller male off by himself on a smaller rock leering at the leader’s harem like a husband in a religious cult. Just down the road from Nature’s Wonders, at Penguin Place, I’m shown the famous confirmed bachelor penguins. They look pretty much like other penguins, but apparently it’s hard to tell a her from a she (perhaps they caught them at it?)

Yellow eyed penguins tend to have one partner for life and have some interesting and endearing mating habits, says Heather Mollins from Dunedin Tourism. The only time they don’t stay with their partner for life is usually when they fail to breed. This gives them a truly shocking 7 per cent divorce rate (including the gay penguins).

The region is also home to two endangered female royal albatrosses who have shacked up together to incubate an egg. Rangers have had the albatross couple sitting on a dummy egg in case

This is also why they love Dunedin and the Otago Peninsula’s cold weather.

The relationship did not last and the nest was deserted.  However, both are proving to be good parents and are happy to be incubating.
The original egg has now been returned to the nest.
Two breeding seasons ago the pair attempted to nest an egg with a male albatross.  Last year the threesome returned to the breeding colony but failed to nest at all.
The Royal Albatross Centre run guided tours of Taiaroa Head.

Visitors learn about the breeding process and see albatross soar across the sea
using their impressive 3m (9’6”) wing span.  They can also board a Monarch Wildlife Cruise to see the birds reach speeds of 115km/h.
The chick is expected to hatch soon when its female parents will feed and nurture it.  Once the chick becomes fully fledged and takes off on its first flight it will stay at sea for three to six years without
touching land.

After a day of adventures in the astonishingly fresh air of the Otago Peninsula it’s time to check into the boutique eco-lodge Kaimata, nestled on a hillside overlooking the Papanui Inlet.
Kaimata is like a Hollywood director’s idea of a holiday retreat.
There are clean smooth timber decks everywhere, plenty of exposed lumber inside and a stone fireplace with a fire all ready to go.
And our hostess Rachel actually looks like a movie star playing the part of an eco-retreat manageress.
My room is handily just near the kitchen where our Belgian chef Danielle “Dany” de Vinck is whipping up some hors d’oeuvres. Nothing works up a thirst more than shearing, and it’s time for a beer and an Otago sauvignon blanc or two to wash down the smoked salmon, while looking over the tidal estuary of Papanui Inlet.
Canapes merge into dinner, which begins with locally gathered cockles in cream sauce and puff pastry, followed by venison with creamed spinach and new potatoes.
The cockles and golden pastry are washed down with a Closeburn Chardonnay, whose completely unoaked golden creamy sur lie style goodness compliments the rich starter. Sur lie, literally on the lees, is meant to give the wine a creamier character and it’s hard to argue.
The venison goes well  with a 2006 Black Quail pinot  which is a big way to handle the metallic strong taste of the game.
Our chef also makes the best chocolate crepe outside of Paris – and I’ve been there.
After a long dinner, it’s time to repair in front of the open fire and
talk about the amazing day, new adventures to come and, I need hardly
add,  wear out the carpet leading to the cellar, before retiring to crisp white cotton sheets and billowy comforters for the sound sleep of the just.
Kaimata is on five acres of coastal hillside sloping down to the water’s edge, the property has been undergoing a planting program for the past five years, reinstating native flora of this area.
A private path winds to a grassy knoll by the water’s edge and a peaceful sandy cove. Wander along the beach shore or enjoy a glass of wine whilst looking through the clear waters that swirl by. Take out the kayak or try out the dingy for a gentle row around the bay.
Your hosts Kyle and Rachel will even whip you up a picnic basket to take out for the day. Make sure they throw in a couple of bottles of wine. It’s all very reasonable. Next stop is Dunedin to see what the fleshpots of this southern
Gomorrah have to offer a seasoned travel writer.
The Octagon is the place to be on a Friday, or any other night for that matter I learn. It is named after the geometrical shape made by the buildings in the city centre (almost said the city square).
For Dunedin is a university town and an astonishing amount of the population are under 25, and a majority of these youngsters is female.
A few beers at the Octagon’s hottest bar, Alibi, (darling, honest, I was working late) and it’s off to dinner at Plato, which is down near the water and a short cab ride away.
Only go to Plato if your idea of a great meal is the freshest crayfish you have ever tasted washed down with some of the finest wines produced by the world’s best terroir, the cleanest air and the most inventive New World winemakers.
I kick off with an Emerson’s 1812 India Pale Ale.
IPAs were developed by English brewers for troops serving throughout the Empire. To survive the long sea journey, large quantities of hops were added as a preservative.
The Emerson’s is a fine example of this vital empire building fluid, with plenty of hops over a rich dark maltiness, enough to please any heart of oak after carrying the white man’s burden to the furthest corner of the Earth.

These are designed to make humans appear very small to the penguins as they can only see part of your face.  If you get too close to them their heart races and they overheat – this is what kills them.I ordered off  the whitebait and crayfish off the chalkboard.
I begin with the whitebait fritter. The whitebait is fresh. Very fresh, and dissolves about a millimetre above my tongue.
The perfect wine for this starter is the Peregine Pinot Gris. This multi-regional blend is made with fruit from the Cromwell basin and Gibbston.
The resulting wine is well balanced and doesn’t knock the white bait around too much.
The Dog Point 1994 Sauvignon Blanc is very smooth, with not too much acidity, just the thing for a crayfish that was swimming around in crystal cool waters that morning before being seethed in garlic, butter and herbs and put in a cast iron pot for me to enjoy a few hours later.
The next morning it’s off to the St Clair Beach resort, right on the water in this amazing beachside suburb.
Within seconds of checking in I have whacked on the Speedos grabbed a hotel towel and walked across the Esplanade to the beach.
Nice two foot waves are crashing right into the concrete wall, no doubt people who have bought into the climate change hoax will say it’s our fault for burning all the oil, but you can have my denial when you pry it out of my hot dead hands.
Further along the beach there is a strip of dry sand and I plunge my slim lithe form into the foam.
The water is cool in this southern hemisphere spring, but warmer than the water at, say, Venice Beach or Santa Monica in fall.
There is barely time to get changed before rushing off to a leisurely beer at the Starfish Café. We grab a spot outside where we rest our beers on the window ledge and watched the (amazingly pretty) girls walk past.
Not unfortified by Speight’s finest it is time to take the tour of the Speight’s brewery in Dunedin, arriving just in time for the beer tasting at the end.
I am unmercifully chiacked for the quality of my beer pulling, and decide Old Dark is my favorite, perfect for a night in front of the fire. I wonder how they are doing at Kaimata now.
A full day Otago Peninsula package including a wildlife cruise, The Royal Albatross Centre, Penguin Place, Larnach Castle and a guided tour of Dunedin landmarks can be booked online at www.wildlife.co.nz
($NZ250 per adult, $NZ125 per child).
Some other good Central Otago wines are Rabbit Ranch, Grasshopper
Rock (http://www.grasshopperrock.co.nz), Black Ridge
(http://www.blackridge.co.nz/).

.

• Pictures: Broadminded … one of the lesbian mums; Serenity … the view from Kaimata; Catching up … locals at the Dunedin markets; Hello breakfast … a whitebait fritter on the grill at the markets.

  Kaimata rates:

  WINTER: From May 1, 2010 until 30 September 2010

  Bed and Breakfast
  Winter-season rates apply:
  Single: $NZ320.00 per night
  Dbl/Twin: $NZ360.00 per room, per night
  Exclusive-use Retreat
  Double: $NZ500.00 per night
  Exclusive-use group: $NZ850.00 per night
  (3 rooms sleeps up to seven people x6 adult, x1 child)
  SUMMER RATES
  From October 1, 2010 until 30 April 2011
  Bed and Breakfast
  High-season rates apply:
  Single: $NZ380.00 per night
  Dbl/Twin: $NZ450.00 per room, per night
  Exclusive-use Retreat
  Double: $NZ625.00 per night
  Exclusive Use: $NZ1100.00 per night
  (3 rooms sleeps up to seven people x6 adult, x1 child)

  Getting there: Pacific Blue, International Airline of Virgin Blue

  offers flights from Sydney to Dunedin on Tuesdays, Thursdays and
  Sundays with fares starting from $259 AUD per person, one way on the
  net. If you’re looking to keep entertained, simply hire the
  digEplayer. Your own personal in-flight system features movies, TV
  shows and a broad array of music for an additional $20. If you fancy
  extra leg room, book the Blue Zone seating option for an additional
  $45 on top of your fare.
  Check out www.flypacificblue.com for current specials, bookings and
  all your travel needs.

  For the latest updates on the gay and lesbian birds, and for all other

  travel information, go to www.dunedinnz.com

  Brewery tour.

  www.speights.co.nz

  www.kaimatanz.com

  www.platocafe.co.nz

  www.stclairbeachresort.com

  www.natureswondersnaturally.com for penguin tours

  More info on Penguin Place here www.penguinplace.co.nz

  Follow Piko the penguin on twitter to find out about life on the Otago

  Peninsula.  www.twitter.com/pikothepenguin



Do the sheep mind? I wonder, about the booties I mean. In any case I grab the next girl in line, wrestle her to the ground
and grab the nearest foreleg with my left hand and brace her right ham
(do sheep have hams?) with my left boot. She looks at me trustingly with her eyes and the clippers start with a powerful counter clockwise
lurch.

My right hand firmly grasping the clippers, I begin to remove the
valuable fleece.
I’m hailed a natural and gladly give up my victim to the next tourist.
Next stop is a tour of the aforementioned wildlife.
I climb aboard an eight-wheel drive all terrain vehicle to see the
sunlit beauty of the Otago Peninsula at its best and the habitat of
the world’s rarest penguin, the yellow eyed, in its natural habitat.
The New Zealanders or Kiwis as they are known hereabouts are serious
about their conservation: there is a beach here that no one has been
allowed on for 15 years, lest they scare off the penguins.